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I have many things to contemplate today, many of them left over from yesterday, but I'll lead out with a great quote I just stole borrowed from liberalrage, from Monday night's Colbert Report, which I may have to start watching:

Anybody who knows me knows that I am no fan of dictionaries or reference books. They're elitist for constantly telling us what is or isn't true, what did or didn't happen... I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks, we are a divided nation... We are divided by those who think with their head, and those who know with their heart.

[...] Did you know that you have more nerve endings in your stomach than in your head? Look it up. Now, somebody's gonna say `I did look that up and its wrong'. Well, Mister, that's because you looked it up in a book. Next time, try looking it up in your gut. I did. And my gut tells me that's how our nervous system works.

Now I know some of you may not trust your gut...yet. But with my help you will. The "truthiness" is, anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news... at you.

Now that's from a trustigious reporter.

Wilma. This morning they were talking about the potential path of Wilma and mentioning that this is the first "W" named storm since the start of naming in 1950, and now that they've used "W" (Hurricane W, ho ho ho) they have to go to the Greek alphabet. What happened to XYZ? Hurricane Xena? Xavier? Xander? Yolanda? Yeardley? Yuri? Zachariah? Zane? Zebediah? I admit, there's fewer down there, but as they say, it's RARE they get that far.

This morning I noted to myself as I left for work that our neighborhood has been a lot safer since it's become predominantly Hispanic. Yes, there's still a lot of traffic that drives too fast on 27th Street, but whereas at one point it was patently unsafe for animals or children to run loose in our streets, now animals appear to be unmolested again, as they were when we first moved here, before that horrible few years when cats died mysteriously or disappeared frequently, causing us to lock ours inside the house at all times. There also hasn't been a break-in HERE in that time, even when we have foolishly left something unlocked. I don't know if it's exactly because of the Hispanic families, but they all seem to be nice folks who keep an eye on their neighborhood, as they are LARGE families where someone tends to be at home most of the day. I don't talk often to my neighbors, but whenever I see any of them, there's always a nice smile and a wave.

Yesterday would have been my little brother's 38th birthday. I thought about it while I was at work and wondered what might have been had things worked, well, the right way. If. Big ifs. Tim and I were starting to achieve an adult relationship when he died, and I'd like to think that yesterday I would have picked up the phone and given him a call to say "Happy Birthday" and chat about what he was doing now. My mother told me the last time we saw her that Tim was the first one to twig on to me and Barb, and had asked her, "Do you think Kathy's gay?" He was okay with it. I'd have liked to have formally "come out" to him. I'd have liked to have had an adult relationship with him, gotten to know him as a person and not "annoying little brother," because Tim was, past all the troubles and the drugs and the problems he got himself into, a really genuinely GOOD person. He cared about people. He was talented and smart, but drugs stunted his mental growth and made him do bad things, and eventually killed him. I remember what he was like before the bad things started, how we were once thick as thieves and, yeah, we didn't always behave like model children. We weren't the best of kids. But Tim's essential decency I'm sure would have made him into a really good MAN. He was on the way, according to Mom, when he relapsed. But there's my regret. If.

And now for the obligatory meme:

You fit in with:

Your ideals are mostly spiritual, but in an individualistic way. While spirituality is very important in your life, organized religion itself may not be for you. It is best for you to seek these things on your own terms.

80% spiritual.
40% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 21st, 2005 05:34 am (UTC)
::pat, pat:: If's are hard to live with. I often wonder what my dad and I would have thought of each other if he had lived until I was an adult. I don't think I would have been remotely the same person. Certainly my life would have been very different. I don't know if it would have been better, necessarily, but it would have been different.

I think what has troubled me most about my mom's death is that I could never communicate with her well, and that really caused a strain in my relationship with her. I think that's why I had so much trouble and so many nightmares after her death. At least I only have them rarely these days. Maybe once every week or two. Which is better than one or two a night. That was miserable.

::Hugs:: At least I think you and your brother would have had a good sibling relationship.
Oct. 21st, 2005 11:11 am (UTC)
T'anks. I like to think so, too. We got along swimmingly as children, it was the teenage years that strained our relationship. I like to think we would have eventually moved past that.

I'm starting to feel the same way you are with your Mom about my Dad, though. Many, many unresolved things I never let myself think about through my whole "I am Daddy's Girl and I Loved My Daddy" thing, as the years have gone by some of the chinks in the White Knight's armor have started to show. I would have liked to have known him better as an adult, too. He was indeed far from the perfect man I remember through the rosy eyeglasses of that childhood adoration.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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