Kats (wildrider) wrote,

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The Silent Stars Go By

(That's my favorite Dr Who novel title. It may have nothing to do with this post.)

I haven't posted in ages, and I'm not precisely sure why, other than I haven't done much writing AT ALL. I've been spending time moving my music library from one computer to another - it's a slow process largely because I couldn't get the external hard drive to upload things properly (why must it "backup" a drive, instead of simply being a repository for files?) to the new computer, and I can't just share drives because the old Jonathan Strange no longer talks to the network since we upgraded the router.

The NEW Jonathan Strange is a lovely computer that was basically willed to me by my mother's best friend, who was over the years a very good friend to me. She was in a care facility when I was there in January, and it was clear when I saw her that it was probably the last time I'd ever see her. I helped Mom cleaning out her condo (Mom had her Power of Attorney) and chose "something to remember her by." I took a lovely glass paperweight and her computer.

She passed away a few weeks ago. I knew when I saw her I wouldn't see her again (even though, of course, I told her I would) -- but it still hit me kind of hard.

I didn't know a whole lot about her life, but she was about the most generous and kind woman you'd ever want to meet. She loved my mom, and she seemed to love me, too - and accepted me and Barb without a single raised eyebrow, which I always thought was wonderful of her. She always had a little gift for me when I'd see her, whether it was just money or (and I'm serious) a gold necklace. For no reason at all, just because.

When we were going through her things, we found some old pictures of her. One was a shot of her taken when she was probably in her thirties, maybe younger, and it had clearly been cut from some larger picture. She really hadn't changed much in the intervening years, but as I looked at that picture, that fabled "Gaydar" went off. She was, in her youth, rather buff looking - strong featured, short-cropped hair, just... something. And I wondered if she had been gay, and if so, if that was why she was always so fond of me and Barb. I'll never know for sure, of course... but I still wonder.

She was a kind and wonderful lady, anyway, and I'm glad she's not in pain anymore. But I'll miss her.

I have had some other thoughts, but it's rare these days I manage to keep them in my head long enough to put them down in a journal. I tried when I was on the last cruise, I wrote down notes every day, and since then that handwritten journal has languished in my bag untouched.

In general news: For some reason, we owe the Feds an enormous amount of money (still can't figure what I did to my withholding), so I'm guessing my entire bonus will be heading to them once it arrives, sigh. So much for getting to go to the Renaissance Fair, which I'd been looking forward to. I did get a good review, so I expect I'll get a good bonus, but between the Feds and all the furniture we bought last year, I expect to be good and broke for a while yet.

I still love my job but my supervisor... ye gods. Is there such a thing as a driven, AAAAAAAAA++++++++++ personality? I'm freaking Ivan Vorpatril, I just want to do my job and let the river flow around me. She keeps dragging me into the fastest part of the current.

At the least, I did finish an Effective Communicating course which I enjoyed a lot. At the very least, it may help me stop saying "um" a lot (although I keep pointing out that the President says "um" all the time...).

So here it is March. February was a surprisingly long month, and yet somehow I never managed to get much of anything done.

We've done a lot of work on the Tiki Bar (see Barb's journal for updates on that!); Cox Cable has screwed me yet AGAIN - they sent a couple of guys and FINALLY got the channel situation fixed, but then CHARGED ME TWICE for that privilege. (There goes all my overtime. SIGH.) I have to get up the nerve to get rid of them. I don't freaking NEED cable, I have Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime. All I need from cable is BBCA. Something must come up before Doctor Who comes back in December.

It's just getting up the nerve to say "Fuck off" to the cable company.
Tags: cable, death, people i've known, random stuff, television, writing
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