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Anticipation and Worry

Tomorrow I leave for another vacation with my Mom. I'm both looking forward to it and terrified of leaving --

I’ve never had a sister. The closest I’ve come is Barb’s, who has been a wonderful friend and sister-in-law. Endlessly supportive, optimistic, welcoming; always happy to have me in her home, fun to chat with and cook with, with a great eye for beauty and terrific sense of irony. She was quite happy to call me aunt to her two awesome kids, and I love the whole family like crazy. And now the uncaring universe is taking her, slowly but surely, and I –the writer—cannot find the words to express my fears, frustrations, anger, and sorrow. It's a seven-day cruise; I'm sure I'll buy some Internet time, so I can stay in touch, but what’s going to happen when I’m gone? When I’m not here for Barb, or for any news?

Cancer sucks. And Belle's been fighting it like the champion she is.

I've been on the early shift this week, but between moving Barb's mom and the news about Belle and everything else, I haven't had the time to do much more than run around in circles before collapsing.

I've been so crazed I managed to convince myself that my ARRIVAL time was my leaving time, so I didn't sign on and do online check-in until past 4 pm, so I got a C boarding pass (boo!). I can't figure out how I managed to think that I'd be leaving Arizona at 4:20, since that would get me to Orlando past midnight, and that would have been horrible for Mom, who will be picking me up. I got the earlier flight expressly so we'd get into Vero Beach early Friday night. DUH. I actually leave at 10 am, which means I don't have the whole day tomorrow I had convinced myself I had. Oops. Good thing I packed early.

Once again I think I have everything I need and am worried I've forgotten something important. For the first time I'm not taking my computer, and will deal with just the phone and my new Fire HD. I'm still not 100% competent at on-screen typing. I haven't bought a keyboard for it yet.

I want to finish my writer's group critiques before tomorrow. I don't know if I can make it...

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
cornerofmadness
Jan. 23rd, 2015 03:31 am (UTC)
I hope you have a good vacation but I know how the stress of 'what if it happens while I'm gone' bleeds into. I'm so very sorry about Barb's sister. Cancer is a monstrous thing.
wildrider
Jan. 23rd, 2015 04:16 am (UTC)
Thanks. Barb says "have a good time," and I'm sure I will, but...

Yeah.
nutmeg3
Jan. 23rd, 2015 03:54 am (UTC)
Huge *hugs* I wish I could help. I wish there were answers that would somehow make everything make sense.
wildrider
Jan. 23rd, 2015 04:17 am (UTC)
Thanks. I want to enjoy myself but I already want it to be over and to be back home, y'know?

*clings*

ljs
Jan. 23rd, 2015 11:46 am (UTC)
Hugs for the family stress, hugs for you.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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