Mostly I'm alone, and as a result, I tend to stay in my cube and do more work. I finally had the gumption to broach the subject with my supervisor, who assured me that people didn't hate me, they were just intimidated by me because I am such a high producer. Okay. It is true as of last productivity report I produced almost half again as much as the next nearest person, and that's the combination of our office and the Colorado office. Well, if perhaps someone would treat me like a person, a part of a team, I'd actually get up and socialize. I used to try, but the freezing I'd get whenever I tried to join a conversation, game, or other activity made it harder and harder, and I finally just gave up. I have a hard enough time getting to know people and I tend to just try to fade into the wall when I don't feel welcome.
So it's not the warmest place to work.
Anyway, today I was working and I missed that it was 1:00, which was when an anniversary party was to start. Very often because of how isolated we are in our cubes, folks say, "Hey, it's time for the party/meeting/gathering/whatever, you coming?" But today it was 1:20 and if public affairs hadn't come by to drop off a complaint file, I would have completely missed it. Of course, the only person who acknowledged my late arrival was our supervisor, who is a very friendly person and the best thing about working here.
So I'm sitting there quietly snacking from the veggie tray which was the nosh of choice and listening to the amusing anecdotes about the various children of the rest of the unit. And one girl, the guest of honor, was talking about how her two-year-old son was fascinated by a pinup girl some friend of hers had on the wall, and no amount of trying to distract the child would stop him from staring at the girlie poster. She finished the tale with, "At least I know he's not gay!"
And I kinda heard the other shoe drop as everyone laughed.
I've always been out at work; it's nice to work in a place where it's not a big deal and they go on and on about diversity and all that. Certainly it was never important in Word Processing, where I was an accepted member of the team and I felt honestly appreciated for my work. I was also a very high producer in WP and no one there was too "intimidated" by my numbers to not want to talk to me, say good morning, or ask me questions.
Perhaps I'm just being paranoid, and there really wasn't anything to it--although they tell us to run to human resources whenever one is made to "feel uncomfortable" at work. Most of the subtle putdowns handled by the worst offender are simply too vague and could easily be written off as my overactive imagination and social awkwardness. Still, it doesn't stop it from hurting, and I keep wondering what I did to these people to cause this kind of treatment. This person is always laughing and talking with everyone--except me. The only time she talks to me is if I've done something she thinks is wrong, and she seems to delight in that. I'm the only person I've ever heard hollered at for actually helping out with the work and, well, getting it done.
The gals I hang out with at lunch are from Word Processing, and when I mentioned this, one simply dismissed her as having "an attitude." Perhaps so, but since she sits one row of cubes over from me, I have to listen to her chat amiably with everyone else in the unit while treating me like something she found on the bottom of her shoe.
I'll happily admit much of my problem does stem from my distressing lack of social skills, but I swear I'm not imagining at least some of it...