Kats (wildrider) wrote,

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Not deep musings

Today, sometime around 7pm or so, will be the 40th anniversary of my birth. I should be able to think of something deeply profound to mark this arbitrary milestone, but the fleeting thoughts I'd been thinking while pondering this during the last week don't seem too profound in retrospect.

My father once told me that he didn't consider anyone an "adult" until they reached the age of thirty. At this point in my life, I honestly wonder if I had a functioning brain until the age of 35, and I truly have come to the conclusion that youth is terribly wasted on the young, and I wish I had known then things I know now, because the "terribly important" items of my life seem far less important now in retrospect, and if I'd been as aware then as I am now... but on the other hand, I don't know that I'd want too many things different, and had I been smarter when I was younger, I may have made different decisions and I wouldn't be where I am, and I rather like where I am. So you get to the place where you can think "I would have done it all differently," but then realize if you had, you might not be the same person, and what if that's not desireable?

Things I wish I had taken advantage of, but didn't:
1) I never took the presence of my father seriously, and passed up on actual flying lessons and getting a pilot's license, and didn't realize this would have been a Good Thing until it was too late. I was too self-involved with my "terribly important" teenage problems.
2) I didn't go to Japan on the exchange program. Should have done that, but I chickened out.
3) I should have finished ROTC and done my Army stint. It seemed, at the time, FAR too long to go through, oooo, 4 whole years. Looking back, of course, 4 years is pretty much nothing, and there would have been benefits to having had an Army stint. I would have been an officer, too. But I was filled with a sense of immediacy that told me I'd lose everything that was "terribly important" if I didn't get out, so I dropped out of the program.

So what would have happened, if I'd become a pilot? Gone to Japan? Stayed in the Army? Who knows? I might have turned out "better off," but would I be as happy? What ifs are always fun, but, of course, they are just "what if." I don't know what would have been, but I do know where I am, and I am pretty gosh-darned happy about it.

Goal I did not accomplish: Back in March, I determined I would lose 30 pounds by my birthday. I managed to drop about 5 or so. Well, at least it was a loss...
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