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In which I am moody again

I'm really not sure how I can hate my job and still love it at the same time, but it's happening. It frustrates me that the girl our supervisor chose as the official "trainer" doesn't even really know the job herself (she was barely arrived in the unit when this choice was made), and I'm not sure why I was passed over, and I feel like I get passed over a lot (although I have a pretty good rapport with said supervisor). It could be largely in my head, but it's very frustrating when I have to explain things to her and she doesn't comprehend what, to me, seem like pretty basic things, and SHE is teaching the new hires how to do them!

Grr. Argh.

I know much of the LJ community is heavily weighted toward fanfic writers (at least, many of the places I roam around reading), so when I join up a new community and everyone's posting/writing fanfic, I feel weird talking about my own writing. I don't think that original work is inherently superior in any way, shape, or form to fanfic -- on the contrary, I know that fanfic writers work damned hard on their art and much of it is brilliant, and it is in no way "lesser" because it's based on something else. The weird thing is I sometimes feel like I should apologize for not wanting to write fanfic, and having no desire to do so, and I feel guilty or weird talking about the writing I do, which is what interests ME. I joined a Doctor 10 community because I like looking at pictures of David Tennant because he looks a lot like my own original vampire hero, not because I want to write Doctor Who fanfic. (I might read some, though, just as I read the odd Buffy/Spike fanfic.) I am a Doctor Who fan, and leaning toward being more than a little Whovian (although I'm a mere sprout in Who fandom, a show I never watched until I met rahirah, and only got to see a few regular episodes of before the Tucson PBS station stopped showing it, somewhere in the middle of Doctor 6's run, and never saw any Doctor 7 at all); I just feel no urge to write Who fanfic. I felt only a brief moment of an urge to write Buffy fanfic, and produced only one finished story and a half-finished drama before Sean Patrick came along and I started my novel. I suppose my years of ElfQuest fic counts as fanfic, because it wasn't my universe, but the characters and situations were all mine; and I never wrote fanfic for any of the other obsessions I fell in thrall to -- from LotR to Narnia to Star Trek -- I always wrote my own stories (some of them desperate crap, of course), and have pretty much done so since I was in grade school.

I think mostly I only feel that urge when I'm unhappy with how the "real" writers are portraying things - in the case of Buffy, as far as I'm concerned, they screwed it up after Tabula Rasa and anything I could do from that point on would only be an improvement (except, of course, I think rahirah already did it pretty damned well).

I don't know why I'm so damned moody, though. I'm glad I posted the last time I was hormonal, since it was, by LJ, only a week and a half ago, so that can't possibly be coming up again! I hate it when I feel like this, too, because it makes me want to eat, and I'm doing very well (the scale may not exactly agree, but my size-13 cords are starting to slip off my hips, so I'm happy about THAT, at least). But I'm sitting here thinking about pie, dang it, and Pie Is Evil. I already ate a handful of honey-roasted almonds and a serving of Doritos. More than sufficient snackage.

My vacation simply cannot come soon enough.


( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 8th, 2006 03:08 am (UTC)
Pie Is Evil
Pie is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy! (paraphrasing Ben Franklin)

Here, I have an Ood icon for you. His name is Steve and I promise he contains no calories or fat!

Buck up little camper! At least you're thinner than I am!
Jun. 8th, 2006 03:24 am (UTC)
Re: Pie Is Evil
Gorsh, t'anks. {happy smile} He's very Ood, indeed.

I've been working hard at that "thinner" thing. It's taken much time and much hard work! Anyone can do it if I can!
(Deleted comment)
Jun. 8th, 2006 02:41 pm (UTC)
Actually, yes! (Not that you were up late, but the happy happy about the book!)

As I said, I had to make some significant cuts since the copy I sent you, but decided to save them for Book Two, so all comments good, since I think I may have saved most of the story, after all.

Now if only the publishers think so! :-)
Jun. 8th, 2006 07:35 pm (UTC)
I've been blaming moodiness of the change in season, the pollen counts, and the general busy-ness of life.
Jun. 9th, 2006 12:31 am (UTC)
Could be. I don't know why I'd even care about the training position at work - goodness knows I've the patience of a boiling tea kettle and wouldn't be good with fragile new people and that's the REAL reason I was passed over, but I still feel PASSED OVER. Catch-22. *g*
Jun. 9th, 2006 03:28 am (UTC)
I'd feel cranky at being passed over, too. And someday (preferably in person over a cold drink and pie *g*) we'll have to talk about fanfic issues, because FSM knows I have 'em - mostly a frustration that people I think are talented aren't using their talent on behalf of original work that could be published and make money and practical shit like that.
Jun. 9th, 2006 04:27 am (UTC)
Yes, because we both have that love of cold milk + sweet.

That's part of it, although another part is being in a crowd of fanfic writers and feeling as though I have to apologize for NOT writing fanfic; and when trying to talk about my own writing, feeling as though a) no one really cares because it's not published or b) no one really cares because it's not fiction based on something X is interested in...

It's a weird feeling, and hard to explain...

(You know what frustrates me EVEN MORE? Some fanfic writers I could mention write fanfic far, far, FAR BETTER than authors who are getting paid to essentially write the same thing for the "novels" of the shows, which, near as I have been able to determine, are usually bad fanfic being given the benefit of a snazzy cover and authorization from On High.)
Jun. 9th, 2006 04:30 am (UTC)
<< feeling as though a) no one really cares because it's not published >>

We'll just have to get you published, then, won't we?
Jun. 9th, 2006 04:50 am (UTC)

My fingers are crossed. That at least one reader went from "meh" to "I couldn't put it down" makes me very happy.
Jun. 9th, 2006 04:52 am (UTC)
I saw that comment. So she read both versions? Cool.
Jun. 9th, 2006 04:54 am (UTC)
She was very helpful in the "you don't have to write the same scene from everyone's POV" category... *g* She also really helped put a lot of personality into Cody & Matt, who sadly ended up mostly on the cutting room floor, unless the second book sells, too.
Jun. 9th, 2006 04:57 am (UTC)
Very good advice. I've given it myself a time or 200.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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